A Christian Perspective of Domestic Violence

124A Christian Perspective of Domestic Violence

Most abused women who experience domestic violence, along with their children, are caught up in or have been in a co-dependent cycle of abuse that enables the abuser to continue in the abusive behavior patterns.  These women usually make several attempts to leave the relationship before they are successfully freed from the strongholds of the co-dependent rhythms.  The cycle of abuse usually builds up with stressful situations to the point of abuse occurring, then there is often the honeymoon stage, where the husband may apologize, bring gifts, etc.  But then the cycle continues until the abuse recurs.

One reason for this is that these women have unusually low self-esteems often stemming from earlier abuses such as child abuse, childhood sexual abuse, rape, or other traumatic events.  Another reason is that the men in their lives exhibit such a powerful psychological influence on them due to various forms of abuse such as verbal, mental, physical, or sexual abuse.

It Rarely Stops Video

Verbal abuse may include such tactics as name calling, threats of physical harm, etc. Mental abuse often includes intimidation tactics such as hitting or kicking the air or surfaces near the victim, and any threat of harm to the victim, or the victims’ loved ones, personal belongings, pets, etc.  Physical abuse includes behaviors that often but not always leave marks and bruises, like spitting, slapping, hitting, biting, pinching, kicking, burning, pressure holds, etc.  Sexual abuse includes any sexual behavior that coerces or forces the victim (either the wife or a child)  to do or be exposed to unwanted sexual conduct or materials used for sexual stimuli such as pornography, sex toys, or other objects used for sexual purposes.

While pornography may be used to lower inhibitions of women to uncommon and deviant sex acts, abused women and children are often coerced or forced to perform deviant sex acts against their will by their partners and fathers.  Loving relationships do not seek to selfishly control or manipulate, but is mutually agreeable and pleasurable to both partners.  Child sexual abuse is never acceptable. Real loving relationships are selfless in nature, not selfish, and acts to please the other instead of demanding self-pleasure from the other. Offenders must be stopped!127

One more reason abused women choose to remain in abusive relationships is a strong religious background which seemingly discourages or prohibits divorce, even under intolerable circumstances.  But women experiencing domestic violence must not be told by their clergy that they must “submit” to an abusive husband.  Scripture teaches that a man should love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for it.  This was sacrificial love, which never forced anyone to accept it.  Scripture also teaches us to submit to one another in love.  At no time does Scripture teach a husband to exert power and control over a wife. An abused woman is not at fault for the abuse, she has not “failed to submit” properly, but the perpetrator is responsible for his own behavior. Instead of judging the victim unfairly, ministers and Christian counselors should seek avenues to protect and serve them.

Scripture does teach two situations where divorce can take place.  In the cases of adultery and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse, a Christian woman may seek a divorce.  Some Christian authorities include domestic violence as a form of abandonment, because when a husband abuses his wife, he is emotionally abandoning her.  He has crossed the line from being the protector, to the aggressor, and has abandoned his responsibility to her and for her.  Scripture also teaches that if a woman leaves her husband, she is to remain as unmarried until such time as they may be reconciled.  But if professional help is not sought, and repentance never happens on the husband’s part, with the fruits of repentance (a change in behavior, not just words) not bringing forth proof, then reconciliation should never take place.

A woman should never endanger herself, nor her children, if professional help is not sought by her husband, and proof of a change of behavior has not taken place.  A woman may choose to separate while this process happens or she may choose to divorce.  God doesn’t want us to suffer unnecessarily, as Christ has suffered for us already.  God doesn’t allow unrepentant sinners into His presence, and as children of God, we should not allow unrepentant sinners into ours.

Don’t Be Silent: Stop Domestic Violence

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About mamaheartfilled

I am a mother of eight wonderfully challenging children and nine grandkids, of whom I am very proud. I am also a bi-vocational ordained evangelical minister, and a Christian Counselor. I received my B.S. degree in 2004, studying primarily in the areas of Psychology, with minors in Religion and English. I received my Masters Degree in 2009 in Psychological Counseling with an emphasis in Christian Counseling. I have endeavored to paraphrase the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, for the last ten years or so and am working on a final edit, now. It is my hope that it will be of some use in the great commission of Christ. My ministry is primarily geared toward victims of sexual and domestic violence, including victims of childhood sexual abuse, whether currently or in the past. Since I have personally experienced the healing hand of God in overcoming many of the life issues that Christians may face, I feel qualified and compelled to discuss them in a truthful and open manner, as God’s word tells us that “We shall know the truth and the truth shall set us free.” God has brought me through such diverse tribulations as sexual, physical, and mental abuse, being a victim of a drunk driving accident, spousal pornography addiction, adultery, divorce, remarriage, a very brief, though unjust, incarceration, and having experienced multiple miscarriages and various other trials. I have been asked to leave two Southern Baptist Churches, due to my being a female, ordained as a minister, and fired from a SBC sponsored Christian School (mostly white) for speaking out against racial prejudice in the Family of God. Through God’s merciful forgiveness of my own sins and inadequacies and God’s grace given to me to forgive those who have been a stumbling block to me, I have overcome many of these adversities. God’s word tells us that “All things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to the purposes of God." Since I have this hope, I believe that God has blessed me with the ability to confront and relate these issues to the Christian community around the world. I hope to be able to use my personal experiences as a ministry of God’s grace and in the comforting of the people of God with the truth of God's mercy. I claim II Corinthians 1: 3 & 4 as my calling, which states: “Blessed be God, the Origin of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Origin of mercies, and the God of comfort; who comforts us in all our troubles, that we may be able to comfort those who are in trouble, by the comfort we ourselves have been given by God.” As I have received the gift of God’s healing, I hope to be able to bring the peace beyond understanding to others with the message of God’s mercy and grace. My love for the Sovereign Lord of my life, Jesus Christ, along with my passion for writing has drawn me to explore these commonly experienced crisis issues from the perspective of my own experience in the hope that I may bring an empathetic and compassionate insight to God’s people. I am now a published author and have several books in publication, including my autobiography, "A Little Redneck Theology." The views expressed in my writings are strictly my own insights, acquired from personal experience and diligent study of the related topics and God’s word concerning them. Though I am an ordained minister, my views should not be considered authoritative. I believe that the Christian community’s ultimate authority is the guidance of the human heart by the Holy Spirit and the Word of God.
This entry was posted in Childhood Sexual Abuse, children, Christianity, counseling, Domestic Violence, Health and Safety, Marriage and Family, Ministers, Parenting, sexuality, Women in Ministry and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to A Christian Perspective of Domestic Violence

  1. lori says:

    AS a mother and woman married to an abusr I thank you for this article. I am in the process of self preservation….to include leaving the situation soon. Thank you for your article! May God bless you!


  2. crtruelove says:

    Reblogged this on C.R. Truelove and commented:
    Well said..


  3. Pingback: Domestic violence in the Christian Community | Go Fish Ministries, Inc

  4. Pingback: An Existentialist Approach to Career Development in Victims of Domestic Violence | Go Fish Ministries, Inc

  5. Afeni Makeba Nelson says:



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