Well, it’ been a month since I last wrote on this subject. I went to my obgyn appointment and got a resounding no, you are not pregnant, it’s just menopause. I found it hard to believe my bowels could create and mimick so closely the feeling of a baby moving, but that is apparently what happened. Menopause also mimics a lot of other pregnancy symptoms due to fluctuating hormone levels. Needless to say, I was horribly disappointed after being so ruthlessly tricked by my own body. The craziest part of this is that a few days after my doctor tells me its menopause, i finally start another period. So I’m not quite there yet.
I don’t know anyone else my age that hasn’t been fixed who could still potentially get pregnant, so I am walking this road alone. It’s so mysterious and unnerving. I still don’t understand what “this time next year” means for me but I am hopeful that God will explain it to me soon. My daughter Merry is due to have a baby in May, which is in that time frame, so maybe God was telling me I was going to have another grandchild at that time. But I so felt like those words were meant for me personally. So I’ll wait and see what comes in that April- May time period. Needless to say, I love motherhood and am willing to go there one more time if God wills it.
I lost 14 years of marriage while my husband and I were separated, and though these last two years or so of reconciliation have been a growing process together, it’ been fun trying to “make a baby”. Our relationship is blossoming once again like never before, and God has done great things in our hearts. My husband is a new man, no longer the abusive hateful man he once was. GOD has completely changed him, from the inside out, and I know my prayers all those years of separation did not go unanswered. GOD is faithful! His word says that He will restore to me all the years the locusts have eaten, so I know that good things are coming. If that includes another child, even at this late age, I will welcome that child with open arms. I will go wherever the Lord leads, even if I dont know where I am going! As long as God is walking beside me.