Childhood Sexual Abuse


“But whoever hurts one of these little ones who believe in Me and causes them to loose faith, it would be better for that person to have a large stone hung around their neck, and be drowned in the sea.

 

But whoever hurts the faith of one of these little ones who believe in Me, it would better for that person to be dropped in the sea with a weight around their neck and be put to death. Mathew 18

 

Childhood Sexual Abuse

©2005 Kimberly Hartfield, B.S., M.S.

Sexual abuse of a child is considered to be any inappropriate exposing of a child to sexual stimuli by anyone who has influence on the child, in order to erotically arouse that person, without concern for its effects on the child. The perpetrator is always to blame for the abuse and must always be held accountable when sexual abuse of a child occurs, because of his or her obvious awareness of sexuality.  Children often don’t understand what is going on when they are abused and no child can deal with this kind of abuse physically or emotionally.  Even a child who is too young to know that the abuse is wrong will likely develop problems from the inability to cope with this type of stimulation.

Sexually abused children often mentally withdraw from a conscious awareness of the abuse, which is called dissociation. The victim may have unclear memories or no memories for a time, but certain experiences may trigger intensely distressing feelings. The victim almost always feels that “Something is wrong with me,” and that the abuse is somehow “my fault.” They may feel different than other children and keep to themselves a lot. Sexual abuse is clearly a betrayal of the child’s trust, especially when the abuser is known to the child.  The sexually abused child often develops a pronounced inability to trust anyone, which prohibits revealing the abuse, usually for years.  In a child’s eyes, the exposure and consequences of telling may be worse than the abuse itself.

The first step in recovery is for the sexually abused person to discern the violation and to tell the secret.  They must first recognize that they were in fact abused and then tell someone they trust to help them.  The response of the one who is told of the abuse to the divulgence of childhood sexual abuse is critical to the victim’s ability to recover and heal from the ordeal.  A compassionate response is vital to re-establishing trust and getting help for the victim.  Christians must never minimize abuse as ‘just sexual play”, blame the victim, or tell a child to keep the secret. It is imperative that victims receive the assurance that it is not any fault of their own. Counsel should be sought for the victim, and often for the child’s family members as well.  The emotional damage of childhood sexual abuse can be devastating to the victim and to the whole family.

Silent Screams: A Treatise on Sexual Violence

Most victims commonly experience sexual guilt and with sexuality being integral to the total person, abuse inevitably affects one’s total self-concept.  C.S.A. often interferes with the development of attitudes toward self, sexuality, sexual identity, and relationships.  The victim often develops distressing emotions, ideologies, and demeanors.  The effects of C.S.A. include poor self-esteem, fear, depression, anger, suicidal behaviors, inappropriate sexual behavior, sexual disorders, substance abuse, eating disorders, self-abuse, anddifficulty in relationships with atendency toward involvement with relationships reminiscentof theabusive situation.  These are usually characterized by feelings of mistrust, indifference, and/or hatred.

Where prevention is concerned, parents should talk to their young children on several occasions about the difference between good and bad touching, whiletelling them that they can and must say “no” to any touching or behavior that makes them feel uncomfortable; and that they should tell a trusted adult as soon as possible if this occurs.  Parents should never tell a child to do everything an adult tells them to do, while explaining that showing respect does not always mean doing whatever a person in authority says to do.

Parents should also be aware that C.S.A. is not always perpetrated by a stranger or even an adult.  Sometimes family members, friends of the family, neighbors, people in positions of authority, and even other children close to the same age, can be abusive. Children sleeping at home, either alone or with others, and spend-the-nights should always be properly supervised, but even this cannot ensure a child’s safety.  Providing a safe, caring, and open environment, so children feel able to talk freely, is vital in both the prevention and the resolution of C.S.A.  While children often do not seek help at the time of the abuse, until it is properly dealt with, its damaging effects will continue to assault the victim in many areas of the personality and lifestyle.

     Telling the secret is one of the most important aspects of the victim’s healing process.   Once this ground is broken, the seeds of restoration can emerge from every survivor of C.S.A. Another integral part of the healing process is taking the victim’s self-blame and placing that blame on the abuser where it truthfully belongs. Finding forgiveness for that abuser through the mercy and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ is a key point also in that process.  But reconciliation should never take place if the abuser is unrepentant. A child should never be put in danger of further abuse.  Christians can help victims find the seeds of healing by encouraging them to use godly means of overcoming the abuse and helping them to grow into the tree of life that God intended them to be.

Christians must be made aware of the extent of C.S.A.and that many of our sisters and brothers need help in dealing with the conflicts of its aftermath, sometimes even years after the abuse has occurred.  Those Christians who have experienced C.S.A. themselves and found hope in Jesus, if they are sufficiently healed to be stable enough to console others, should do what they can to comfort others with the consolations they have been comforted with of God (II Cor 1:4). Christian survivors can make other victims aware, not only that they are survivors of the ordeal, but that they can be over-comers in Christ Jesus.  Christian comforters can tell other victims that they can be clean from any defilement that they may be feeling as a result of their victimization, and that they too can become a new creation if they have not yet begun that process.  Christians who comfort should pray for victims of C.S.A., while also encouraging them to seek help in dealing with any unresolved issues.  Christians should also pray for abusers of C.S.A.survivors, because many of them were C.S.A. victims themselves, who were never treated.  They can be told that God’s judgment is sure for the unrepentant and be shown how to seek forgiveness in God’s mercy.

Though statistics say that most abusers never stop abusing, some Christians believe that all things are possible with God and that abusers can heal if they are truly repentant, while seeking professional help. Victims should never be coerced into staying in a situation of abuse in the hope that an abuser will change.  The abuser may change with the help and healing of Jesus, and the victim may forgive the abuser by the grace of God, but the victim must not be compelled to prove forgiveness by remaining in an atmosphere of repeated exposure to abuse. Victims can find true forgiveness for their abusers and experience the grace and healing that goes with it; but this usually happens only after years of a healing process that begins with a safe atmosphere of self-discovery.  This environment, along with therapeutic and spiritual counseling with a knowledgeable and compassionate comforter, whether that person be a professional Christian counselor, pastoral counselor, or a lay person survivor of C.S.A., can facilitate the metamorphosis of the new creation in Christ Jesus that every Christian C.S.A. survivor can become.

Find a Sex Offender

You can report suspected child pornography sites and pages either by phone  to ICAC , by phone at 1-800-843-5678 or online at cybertipline.com.

Don’t be a Victim of Sexual or Physical Violence:

30 Personal Safety Measures for Parents and Children

  1. Tell children to never open a door to someone they don’t know well.
  2. Tell children to never tell or text anyone that their home alone.
  3. Tell children not to speak or write of personal plans in public or over the internet.
  4. Tell older children and teens to keep the home well lit and locked, whenever they are home alone. Children younger than 12 should never be left alone.
  5. Don’t leave doors, windows, or curtains opened where someone can see you or your children easily.
  6. Don’t leave young children unattended or attended by someone you don’t completely trust.  Children are often abused by step fathers, uncles, friends of the family, boyfriends, older cousins, etc.
  7. Children should not be allowed to sleep over in an unfamiliar household without proper supervision.  Children have been abused in their best friends home or in a cousins home by a male in the household, so even in familiar situations, children should be well supervised.
  8. Tell children to tell you if anyone says or does anything to them they’re uncomfortable with.
  9. Tell children to tell you anyway if someone should threaten them if they tell or tell them not to tell you something.
  10. Don’t hide keys outside your house for children.  Put keys on a key chain in their backpack or on their person.
  11. Lock your doors when you’re working in the yard, attic, or bedrooms away from entrances.  Someone could sneak in while you’re not watching. Children have been kidnapped because a parent left a door unlocked.
  12. Tell children not to give personal info to anyone on the phone or the internet.
  13. Teens should have a cell phone in the car while driving for safety.
  14. Tell teens to have keys in their hand when leaving a building to go to their car.  Searching for keys is an opportunity for attack. Keys can also be used as a weapon if attacked.
  15. Tell teens to look around and in the car before getting in.
  16. Tell teens to lock the car door right away when getting in to it.
  17. Tell teens to look around before getting out of a car for anything unusual and leave if anything looks odd.
  18. Tell teens if attacked in a parking lot, to try to get under a car, where it would be hard for an attacker to get them.
  19. Tell teens to not let their car go below a quarter tank of gas, where they may have to stop in an unfamiliar place to refuel.
  20. Tell teens to never pick up hitchhikers or others they don’t know well.
  21. Tell children and teens to keep their personal space. If someone gets too close for their comfort, tell them to move away. If the person gets closer, tell them to run.
  22. Never leave children unattended, even for a minute or two, in shopping malls or other public places.
  23. Be careful when leaving shopping malls or stores, when perpetrastors are likely to attack.
  24. Don’t carry too many packages so that you can’t defend yourself or your children if attacked.  Always keep one hand free.
  25. Tell children and teens to walk facing oncoming traffic so that they can’t be followed and pulled into a car.
  26. If asked for directions by a driver, tell children to stay far enough away from the car so that they can’t be pulled in and can run.  They can always say, “I don’t know” and keep walking or run.
  27. Tell teens when someone drops them off somewhere to ask them to watch until they’re safely inside.
  28. If you or your children are on an elevator and someone threatening gets on, get off as quickly as possible by pushing several buttons to the next floors.  Don’t push stop.
  29. Tell children and teens to be very careful entering an area where the usual lighting is not working.  Attackers often unscrew or break light bulbs.
  30. If someone in your family or someone you know tries to or hurts you or your children in any way, whether physically or sexually, tell someone you trust to help you the first chance you get.
    1. Get out of the house and go to a trusted neighbor if possible
    2. Lock yourself in a room and call 911 if possible
    3. Keep a packed bag for self and children (if you have any) for an emergency escape
    4. Keep keys, important papers, and money with someone you trust for an emergency.
    5. If abuse is ongoing, do not go back without the perpetrator getting counseling from a reputable source. Get proof.

Take a free Self Defense quiz here.


46 Responses to Childhood Sexual Abuse

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  2. Russ says:

    I would also add that Castlewood Treatment Center appears to have the same issues as Mercy Ministries with false memories of sexual abuse due to harmful therapy, if you google “Castlewood Treatment Center lawsuits” you will see that 4 lawsuits have been filed recently by patients who realized that their “recovered “memories”were false…these included sexual abuse by one or more family members and Satanic ritual abuse in the form of eating babies! I spoke with one of the plaintiffs, and after hearing my family’s story she said what my daughter experienced at Mercy Ministries is very similar to her experience at Castlewood (but my daughter doesn’t realize it yet). Hers was not a religious cult like Mercy, but it was very much like a cult every other way.

    • I don’t know anything about this treatment facility and whether or not what you say is true, but to be fair I will post it and let others be the judge of it.

      • Russ says:

        Thanks for letting me post my opinions, you are very fair. It is very sad that there are so many real cases of sexual abuse in this country, and anyone guilty of perpetrating it should be not only exposed to prosecuted to the full extent of the law, it’s the most despicable thing anyone can do to a child, I am also trying to make people aware that there are places today that are practicing very harmful therapy techniques that all of often induce false memories of sexual abuse. It’s also tragic that there are many women, more than you know, who “learn” that they were sexually abused, discard their families and all of the relationships with those who question these “memories”…only to later realized that the memories were false. That is also a tragedy and an injustice as well.

    • I don’t know anything about this treatment facility and whether or not what you say is true, but to be fair I will post it and let others be the judge of it. But personally I believe there are too many true cases of child sexual abuse to be wasting space here talking about false allegations, which are very rare.

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  7. And on the subject of young women emerging with false memories of abuse, I know of at least four families that this has impacted. Whilst I know of similar practices across all homes, the most problematic of them appear to be the Lincoln home, and this issue was recently covered by the Lincoln News Messenger.

  8. Hi there.

    I would have to agree with Russ here. I’m a former resident of Mercy Ministries now defunct Sydney home, and am in contact with dozens of other former residents around the world, particularly in the US where they have been established for much longer.

    I can concede that just because a ministry receives criticism here and there does not mean it represents the whole character of that organisation. But Mercy Ministries has managed to inspire searing media cricisim, a host of blogs dedicated to shedding light on this organisation (many first hand accounts by their former clients), and even has its own survivors network/website.

    There are ministries whos activities would be considered quite controversial, such as ex gay ministries, who amass no where near the amount of public criticism as Mercy Ministries has.

    Someone here said that their website looks legit, but if you actually do some wider reading, you will see that there is a huge contrast between who Mercy Ministries present themselves to be and the reality of what happens in the program.

  9. Leigh says:

    Mercy’s success rate doesn’t include any of the girls who “Graduate” and then revert straight back into the situations they came from. Whilst many of the staff have good intentions as an unnamed individual who once attended Mercy, I am sad to say my experience wasn’t positive. I was told i wasn’t allowed to think for myself as I am a screw up and couldn’t control my own life. The girls were all told that Mercy was their last hope and fear placed inside of us all telling us that if we fail at Mercy we fail at life. Russ has come up with some valid points and I to believe people should have the right to make their own minds up one way or another but deleting posts with respect that’s what Mercy do when they don’t like a comment on their discussion page.

    • I haven’t removed any posts from this page and want to let every one make up their own mind. I don’t know enough about them myself to make that call.

    • Russ says:

      Thank you Leigh, I appreciate the support (although I do want to say that the moderator of this forum has been very fair, to my knowledge has not deleted any posts on this subject and wants others to make up their own mind). Some former Mercy patients were actually told they would die if they did not finish the program. This is what some of the women at Castlewood Treatment Center (a residential treatment program that specializes in treating eating disorders located in the suburbs of St. Louis) apparently were also told, another story I’ve been following. Unfortunately, this is another example besides Mercy Ministries of a residential treatment center that also involves false memories of sexual abuse. Three women have filed lawsuits, and it will be interesting to see where this story goes. Here is the link to that story:
      http://ballwin-ellisville.patch.com/articles/third-woman-sues-ballwin-treatment-center-for-implanting-false-memories

  10. Russ says:

    Thank you, I appreciate this forum as well and you do a great job at being fair. I don’t want to take anything away from those children/daughters who actually were abused…those responsible for the evil of sexual abuse should be held accountable and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. In the case of Mercy Ministries, there is a clear pattern of daughters having false memories of sexual abuse, and it has to do with the poor therapy that is practiced. A couple of months after my daughter got to Mercy, my wife and I received a call from her counselor saying “Don’t worry, it’s not about you but your daughter is having recovered memories of sexual abuse by her schoolmates”. We were shocked and horrified (remember how the Mercy spokesperson in the LIncoln Messenger story said they don’t practice this kind of therapy….they lied through their teeth!) A few months later, they changed her counselor and then all of a sudden she cut off communication with us without giving a reason, for nine months…we only found out by accident the reason why….a recording of her “graduation” from Mercy was on the computer after she came home for a short visit after she “graduated”… and on that cd, her graduation “testimony” from Mercy was that I sexually abused her from ages 4-17, that she was the sole caregiver for her sister (both are completely false, and are the result of false memories). Other parents I have come to know with daughters who were at Mercy have had similar experiences, except their daughters have cut their family out of their life completely…at least for now, until they someday realize the real truth and what was really going on. Thankfully, my daughter is in communication with our family again and let us know recently that she loves us…but I am heartbroken for all the other families that Mercy Ministries has devastated.

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  12. Russ says:

    The other daughter in the story that I posted (Two Father’s Views”) from the Lincoln, CA Messenger has told me and others that her testimony on the Mercy Ministries website was completely different from what really happened…this seriously calls into questions Mercy’s claims of a 93% success rate, and one wonders how many of these “success stories” are actually true. This woman was a Mercy “poster girl”, traveling around to various conferences, extolling the virtues of Mercy MInistries…until she later realized what she was really a part of…a cult. The head of Mercy Ministries, Nancy Alcorn, deliberately lied about this woman’s experiences at some of the conferences. Just think about this… a woman who accused her father of sexual abuse (but later realized the memories were false) was paraded around to various conferences and held up as a Mercy “success story”. That should speak volumes to anyone!

  13. Russ says:

    If you could talk to some of these women who have been devastated by their time at Mercy Ministries…it is just heartbreaking. This started out, for me, being about my daughter and trying to find out what her experience must have been like there, I tried to look at it from her point of view, how she was indoctrinated. I was able to find her roommate, and this roommate told me that Mercy is a cult and that she was brainwashed. The false memory portion, as terrible as that is for my family and others, is just the tip of the iceberg. So many young women have been turned away from God, ironically from a place that calls itself a “Christian” organization. I have talked to women with serious allegations about Mercy Ministries that go all the way back to the 1980′s! I and others have been trying to do something about it, we don’t want this to happen to any more girls or their families…but alot of media does not want to touch this. The Lincoln CA Messenger did a story on this, but they only have a limited viewership. I’m hoping with the Penn State scandal that newspapers, etc. will be more open to this story. Those responsible for devastating young women and their families will be judged by God, no matter whether justice is attained on earth.

  14. .w. says:

    Making our story public, with real names and faces, includes more than loss of reputation. The time will come, I can assure you – but it is not on the present day. We’ve much more counsel to obtain and lawyers to secure, in preparation for the certainty of a major firestorm. I hope you aren’t judging our pause on this subject – again, preparation must be made before it happens.

    • No I’m not judging you for a pause in bringing this forward. It took me 20 years to bring my uncle to justice. I am saying the truth sets us free and the truth must come out to protect other people. silence perpetuates violence of any kind. God’s word say we must have counsel, but don’t wait too long before bringing this to a conclusion. You may have to risk your reputation for this to happen, but most people will applaud your efforts!

      • .w. says:

        Rest assured that we’ll take that necessary step when God Himself directs our hearts to do so. Thank you for the opportunity to help bring this issue to the forefront.

  15. .w. says:

    what appears to be legit not always is legit. MM has used marketing aimed at people’s emotions and desire to take a stand on something important/necessary. unfortunately, there’s a dark side to MM, and a greater number of us as parents are gathering together to make known the injustices toward our daughters and their parents/families. anyone seeing MM as a viable resource for themselves or their daughters should beware.

    my daughter was at MM and went through ‘repressed memory therapy’ (also known by other names). this method of so called therapy, which was (historically) created by freud and later solidly debunked by freud, has found its way to methods used by MM counselors. though debunked by the master himself, it unfortunately continues and has grown in use by many licensed and unlicensed practitioners.

    my daugher claims that i abused her all her life and that her father sexually abused her throughout her childhood. other young women went through the same therapy at MM. we’re in close contact with their parents and i’ve met and spent time with some of their daughters. it’s a tragic, horrid, reprehensible thing to allege such vile charges when the charges are not true. at all. by element of suggestion the ideas (charges) were formed and lives on in the brainwashed minds of many young women. these lies have destroyed lives. there are many books on this subject showcasing the destructive elements of such therapy.

    an example of what such therapy produces do a goodle search on gary ramona (california). his daughter experienced the same therapy, bringing her father up on charges then later coming forward to share that her allegations were false.

    now, if the charges from young women are true, then the father or mother should be brought to justice. absolutely! but if they’re not true, oh God. lives destroyed. families broken apart. hearts shattered. such is the case for far too many parents and families of daughters who have entered the clutches of MM.

    • Can you substantiate any of this? Have charges been brought against this group? Is there any proof other than your word? I totally agree with you that if the allegations are false then families will be destroyed. On the other hand if families did in fact abuse their children then they need to be brought to justice.

      • .w. says:

        I can substantiate what happened to my own family and others can substantiate their own experience. No charges have brought against MM. Yet. My husband and I have seriously considered coming forward to share our story; other parents have considered the same thing and a few couples have gone so far as to be interviewed by journalists from a large newspaper. But, unless we give our real names, taking an article to the editor then print is not accepted. We’re in a quandary in regard to that subject.

      • Sometimes truth is more important than reputation. If your husband is innocent, then you all should be willing to risk giving your names to the public, in my opinion. If you truly believe more young women will be hurt by this organization, then you may have to sacrifice some of yourself to make sure that doesn’t happen. I personally came out with my sexual abuse by my uncle and was rejected by many in my own family for doing so. But I had to protect those last two little girls he was caught abusing and others who would follow had he not been brought to justice. Take up your cross and do the right thing to protect others.

  16. Russ says:

    One more thing…Mercy MInistries was forced to shut down in Australia in 2009, and had to pay out claims to over 100 young women. They lied about not performing exorcisms, and they are lying now about not using therapy that leads to “recovered memories”.
    http://www.smh.com.au/national/mercy-ministries-home-to-close-20091027-hj2k.html

    • I know of many young girls who were in fact abused by their fathers and recalled these incidents on their own without the “help” of this kind of therapy. Many have eating disorders and drug and alcohol addictions as a result. I don’ necessarily believe any of these allegations, but to be fair I’ll leave this info posted for others to make up their own minds.

  17. Russ says:

    Penn State and Mercy Ministries…

    One covered for a sexual predator and enabled untold numbers of innocent young boys to be sexually abused over many years due to their inaction and desire to protect their program and a coach’s legacy (which now is forever tarnished, and deservedly so).

    The other is responsible for turning many innocent young women away from God, for making untold numbers of young women believe they were sexually abused (through false memories caused by their destructive therapy methods) and thereby wrongly rejecting their families based on the brainwashing they received at Mercy.

    Frankly, I don’t know which is worse. They are both true examples of evil. The truth has finally come out with regards to Penn State, and one day, it will about Mercy Ministries as well.

    Sin has consequence and the evil that men do eventually catches up to them, no matter how good they have been at fooling others, at hiding their true intentions and actions.

    Penn State is going to pay the consequences, and God willing, one day Mercy Ministries will as well.

    • I don’t know anything about Mercy Ministries. Could you please elaborate on this. I’d be interested to know.

      • I did a search and looked at their website and it looks legit to me. If you have info to prove otherwise post it here. Otherwise I’ll remove this comment in a couple of days.

      • Russ says:

        Please don’t be fooled by their slick website and their bogus “success rate” they tout, and in fact one former Mercy Ministries staff member has posted the comment “there is true darkness going on at Mercy Ministries. ” I have several other parents whose daughters have been victims of Mercy Ministries to back me up. Our families have been devastated by this, and Mercy continues to lie. Our daughters all cut off contact without warning, either writing rejection letters saying that they “remembered” they were sexually abused by their fathers or not telling the parents the reason and them later finding out by accident. This is because of the therapy Mercy MInistries uses…a therapy they claim they don’t practice, but they do and the consequences are devastating to the girls’ relatioships with their families. My daughter’s counselor from Mercy Ministries even used the exact phrase “recovered memories” and yet Mercy lies and claim they do not practice therapy that leads to “recovered memories.” Since this story was printed last March, I have discovered there are many other girls and their families who have been devastated by their time at Mercy Ministries, and the primary link is the false memories of sexual abuse they developed during their therapy at Mercy. Here is a link to my (and my daughter’s) story (I am “James Smith”) that was printed in the Lincoln CA Messenger last March:
        http://lincolnnewsmessenger.com/detail/202950.html

        There are several other disturbing things about Mercy…one that several girls (one being my daughter) tried to commit suicide while under their care….and yet none of their family was notified…we had to find out by getting an ER bill in the mail. Another is that women who had negative experiences at Mercy are being denied their full medical records when requested. Mercy Ministries does indeed have something to hide, and there is no justification for not allowing women full access to their medical records. There is a trail of broken women that can be traced to Mercy MInistries, and the truth needs to come out.

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